The Canvas of My Random Thoughts...

2011-02-28T01:52:00.000+03:00

Another find from the piles of documents I took with myself from my old computer back home whilst moving to Kuwait. Wrote this for FRSH magazine which never came out. This one is rather boring and the history is copied from various websites without giving due acknowledgement (I was too unprofessional/unethical to mantain a biblograaphy) and narrates a trip to Derawar Fort in Cholistan close to Rahim Yar Khan during my visit in the summer of 2007 for an audit..

Thought of preserving the article before it became part of tarnished history like the fort described in it..read along..

Qila Derawar and the Nawab who owned it
An account of our trip to Qila Derawar during an audit in Khanpur

(By Mubeen Amjad)

The jeep was moving at full throttle. And at this speed, it soon left behind the surrounding wheat fields and a few traces of desert were now starting to appear. It seemed like a scene from the movies, a vehicle running on a seemingly endless road in a desert with no traffic or life to be found. However, far away in the desert, a dark dot like object could now be seen which was becoming larger by the moment. It was Qila Derawar and we, in the jeep, were heading straight for it.

Earlier in March, our team which included me, Salman Hashmi and Manal Pasha were sent on an audit in Khanpur. We anticipated a lack of outdoor activities and were thus keen on making use of every bit of entertainment which came our way. It was due to the said reason; we took great interest in hearing stories and rumors from the locals of the great Nawab of Bahawalpur - Nawab Sadiq the fifth, the last ruler of the Bahawalpur State. They kept telling us of his love for wealth, his big ego, and how he lived his life in great luxury. Especially, we were told of Qila Derawar, a fort conquered by his ancestors after a hard fought battle with the Rajputs who ruled the place at that time. The more they told, the excited we got in getting a tangible feel of this Nawab’s life. High on curiosity, we asked the client if they could arrange a trip for us to Derawar Fort, which they graciously did and we along with a couple of drivers were now moving towards it.

The History:
Qila Derawar is at around 2 hours drive from Khanpur and at around 65 miles from Bahawlpur, in Cholistan. In the desert, it stands alone in a virtually uninhabited area and can be spotted from a great distance. The sight of this magnificent structure, with nothing to hinder the view, from far off and the surrounding cholistan is absolutely breathtaking.

Its history dates centuries back. It was built in thirteenth century by the Rajputs of Jaiselmer (now part of India). The Nawabs of Bahawalpur, also called the Abbassi family, conquered it in eighteenth century. The fort was a birth place of many Nawabs and it once served as the capital of Bahawalpur State. As the passing river dried up and the great Cholistan took control of the surroundings, the residents fled and abandoned the area in a desperate attempt to stay alive. Derawar thus became deserted.

Qila Derawar was a well protected structure in the times of Rajputs. Abbassi family tried many times without luck to break through its defense but the very way this fort was built ensured its safety. The fort was considered virtually unbreakable and this was one of the reasons it caught Abbassi family’s interest, who desperately wanted to capture and merge Derawar with their State of Bahawalpur. The high rising semi circled ramparts of the fort gave its guards a good view of the surroundings which proved decisive in many skirmishes. Nawabs, however, did not lose hope and kept changing their strategy and finally the clever tactic of digging a tunnel to the fort worked and after a brief resistance, Derawar fell to the Nawabs.

The Nawab who had 3000 wives:
Nawabs of the Abbassi family ruled the State of Bahawalpur for over 200 years (from 1748 till 1954) when the last of the Nawabs, Nawab Sadiq Muhammad Khan Abbassi V decided to merge his state with Pakistan.

Nawab Sadiq was a unique character. Being the eldest son, he inherited the State and a huge treasure of wealth at a young age of 3, after his father Nawab Bahawal Khan V died in 1907. The State and its affairs were looked after by a political agent until Nawab’s 18th birthday, at which time he was handed full control of the state. Rumor has it that he had over 3000 wives and would instantly marry the girl he liked. During our stay, an interesting incident was told to us by our driver Naeem that once during a casual visit to his state, Nawab fell in love with a young lady who caught his attention while she was passing by. Nawab asked the lady for marriage but was left embarrassed when he was told that she was one of his three thousand wives.

Nawab Sadiq was also famous for his big ego. Once, during a visit to a gulf state, he entered a carpet shop in a posh market, dressed in simple clothing. On seeing Nawab, the shopkeeper laughed and asked him to leave the shop for the carpets were too expensive for him. Nawab quietly came back and sent a personal servant to the shop who struck a deal with the shopkeeper to purchase his entire inventory of carpet along with the shop for more than it was worth. Nawab then came, fully dressed and after paying for the deal, ordered the shop to be burnt along with the carpets in front of the shopkeeper, who by now had realized who he ill-treated and couldn’t believe what he was just seeing.

It is said that Nawab Bahawal V, father of Nawab Sadiq, hid most of his immense treasure, which included gold, diamonds and other forms of wealth, at a secret location in Fort Derawar. Before dying, he told this secret to an old faithful servant and asked him to lead his son, Nawab Sadiq to the treasure when he grows up provided that Nawab turns out to be pious, honest, and a good natured individual.

When Nawab Sadiq seized control of the state, he somehow came to know of the treasure his father had left for him. On hearing this, nawab called the old servant and asked him to reveal the location where his father had buried his wealth and treasure. The servant told him of the condition his father had laid and that nawab does not fulfill it. He refused to take Nawab to the treasure. Nawab tried again by putting pressure on the servant but when he kept on refusing, nawab ordered the guards to torture the servant till he discloses the exact location. Unfortunately, the old servant couldn’t sustain their torture for long and died. After his death, Nawab dug and searched most of the fort in a desperate attempt to find the hidden treasure but failed. It is believed that Nawab Bahawal’s treasure is still hidden somewhere deep at a secret location in the fort. Our driver was of the view that the treasure if found, will be enough to pay off all the foreign debts of Pakistan, which I believe is a blown up exaggeration.

Nawab Sadiq died in 1966 leaving huge property for his heirs, each of whom is said to have received several thousands of acres of land as his share.

Our Visit:
We chose a sun-drenched Sunday for our visit and joked with the client to arrange digging equipment as we were setting off to find the treasure in the fort (We plan another visit to the place once we have a construction/mining company on our client list). The Fort of Derawar, today, is still owned and managed by the Abbassi family. One has to take special permission to enter the place but thankfully it was open for public when we reached at around 12 in the noon.

At the foot of Derawar Fort, we parked our jeep. Getting out of the vehicle was the tough part now as the surroundings were very hot. Prior to this, I had never experienced the heat of desert, and having spent the 2 hours trip in AC, we were slow to come to terms with the blazing sun and a hot environment.

The structure of Derawar fort was clear now. It was gigantic and a mosque stood in close proximity to it. We were told that this mosque was built in the times of Nawabs. Its basic architecture is based on the Badshahi Masjid of Lahore. Inspiration from the work of Mughal architects could be felt in the internal design and decoration of the mosque. We found a well which still had water and whose mechanism worked smooth even today. After a picture session in the mosque, we moved to the fort.

The fort is surrounded by semi-circled ramparts which are dark in color. These are huge and a few visitors, who from the base of these ramparts appeared like ants, were seen getting pictured on them. On seeing this sight, my mind moved centuries back and I considered myself to be a soldier of Nawabs army trying to fight for the fort which, from the advantage these ramparts gave to the occupants, seemed like an impossible task. We were stopped at the large gate of the fort by a bearded old man who was tasked to look after the fort by the Abbassi family. He initially refused to let us in but allowed us on a kind second request.

Qila Derawar from inside presented a feeble look. It was not being properly looked after by its owners and was in a dreadful condition today. No attempts were made to preserve its rich history and as a result nothing much is left of it today but a couple of cannons, underground passage ways and some rooms. The cannons were bulky, heavy and difficult to move as were the characteristics of the artillery used back in 18th century. A little away from the cannon were the stairs that led to an underground passage way. There, a cart was present on a rail line but the mechanism of its operation was broken. Such carts were installed to be used for swift movement in the long tunnels. The Rajputs had built a complex network of these underground tunnels which connected many of their forts and these were used for normal traveling and as a mode for a safe evacuation in the time of danger. It is said that most of these tunnel had to be blocked after partition as they opened up deep in India. The rooms of the fort presented a gloomy look. Colorful designs and patterns which decorated the walls and roofs were now hiding behind thick layers of dust. Doors were broken and the multi-colored glass which once dressed the windows was now shattered. A takhtposh with a broken leg lied at one corner. Each room seemed to hide a history in itself.

Outside, at one side, three graves were present. Our drivers, who were acting as our guides, were not certain of who sleeps in these graves. They opined that these belonged to the brave soldiers of Nawab’s army who laid their lives while fighting to help them capture the fort. We recited Fatiha for them and moved to the ramparts. The way up was steep and the stairs were now broken with bricks scattered all along. On top, one gets a good view of the surrounding Cholistan. These ramparts were now crumbling and no effort was being put to preserve them in their present condition. After another picture session, we came down.

By now, we had only managed to see one section of the fort but now the sun was at its full prime and the heat was getting the better of us, so we had to leave the place. On our way back, we were all of the opinion that Government should put every effort to preserve such rich history and valuable cultural assets and promote these as tourist spots, especially since year 2007 is being touted as the Visit Pakistan year. Thankfully the Government now seems to be finally awake as Punjab Government has recently announced a Rs. 25 million package for preserving and maintaining the history of Derawar fort.

Later that day, we visited the shrine of Bibi Jawindi at Uch Shareef and Penj Nut (a point where all five rivers meet to continue as Sindh River) but the trip to the historical Qila Derawar was what touched us the most. For we dived deep in history, a history initiated in the times of Rajputs and conquered by the Nawabs. A history called Derawar.

(End)

2011-02-19T21:33:00.001+03:00

Credits for 'The Departed', which mark the ending of the 5th movie in as many days, are running on the TV across me as I right these lines. 5 amazing movies, 4 of them in IMDB top 250 of all time..

Started out on Tuesday night with The Town starring Ben Affleck, loved the movie at that time but I'll grade is as just munasib after the likes of Batman Begins (Christian Bale), Fight club (Brad Pitt), City of God and The Departed (Matt Damon, Leonardo Dicaprio) followed on subsequent nights....

I have CFA L2 coming up in 3 months time for which I've prepared nothing yet but you dont feel guilty of wasting time if the time is spent in such an awesome way... ;)

2011-02-07T15:12:00.001+03:00

Recovered this while cleaning my drawer yesterday... brought back some bittersweet memories!

The text in Turkish reads 'Yogun Bakim hasta icin' (Intensive care for patients)

2011-01-30T23:42:00.001+03:00

Seriously people, learn some bathroom etiquette and contribute towards a greener planet. Dirty toilet seats consume more toilet paper rolls which in turn mean destruction of more green reserves to feed your hygene requirements...

Trees weren't planted to clean your shit..

2011-01-14T03:21:00.000+03:00

I came to Kuwait and I saw all the negativity that surrounded me. (and by negativity I refer to negative people). The ones who keep discouraging you, subduing your enthusiasm. Projecting little tasks as difficult because of their own average-ness.. At that time, I had quitely vowed never to be follow suit...

3 years on and I've already become one of them..

the death of tolerance..

2011-01-04T21:00:00.008+03:00

We are hypocrites, we've always been. We are divided too, though that we only became recently..

I refer to today's incident. Governer Punjab Salman Taseer shot dead by his own body guard reportedly over comments he recently made against the misuse of blasphemy law.

I don't mourn the dead, I mourn the event and the death of tolerance it signified. For 9 years post the world changing 9/11 incidents we've been to every corner of the word in a futile exercise to impress upon the people that we are a tolerant society, that Islam is a religion of peace but it only takes one idiot to turn the whole thing on it head. We're still stuck on the same debate, we're still stuck on defining our identity and its going no where.

And it doesn't end on that one idiot. It gets more frustrating when the murdered is glorified and made a hero by the masses. And its not just random illetrate people it includes your own educated colleagues who's judgements you used to trust, who's wisdom you used to admire. It just emphasises the fact that our society is well divided and extremism cannot be equated with illetracy. Funny thing we're so insecure about 'protecting' our religion that we have lost moral grounds which are the foundations of our religion itself!

As Mutahir said 'we're finally going where we want...backwards'. The momentum's there but the direction's wrong..

2010-12-13T00:02:00.003+03:00

ah!! how I miss the old times!!

you lazy ass good-for-nothing Scientists, its about time you invented a time machine!!

2010-11-26T12:41:00.004+03:00

The only thing that seems to interest all my young cousins about me is the fact that I come from Kuwait through an airplane. They all think I own an airplane and pilot it myself and so all sorts of innocent childish questions are thrown my way. Needless to say I play along ;)

Just now Ahad asked keh why dont I park my airplane in our garage... :s

UPDATE: Back in Kuwait and have been told that Ahad, Hammad, Sami and Burhan all play a game called 'travelling'. Dont know the precise format but it involves one of the kids telling the others about his departure to Kuwait and other kids seeing him off...I miss them already!

2010-11-08T00:02:00.002+03:00

12 at night...sitting in my balcony. Its a bit chilly and the air smells so much like Lahore does in the foggy winters! Reminds me its been three years since I have felt the touch of Lahore's fog. Just a few more days...hope I am lucky to greet the first winter fog during my stay!

Lahore, I miss you!!

2010-11-03T11:44:00.000+03:00

in every word I've never said...

2010-11-02T12:09:00.004+03:00

You posture at them in the gym - they make you look extra muscular,
You adjust your tie looking at them in the office lift, and they make you feel sophisticated,
and those in the saloon which make you look extra decent in your new haircut...

In whatever different ways, mirrors have an odd flattering way of lying....

2010-10-28T13:58:00.002+03:00

Just noticed the following document on my desktop! An unfinished script I wrote for a short movie we were to shoot on EY with some inspiration from the PWC(Islamabad)'s moving forward video...The project fell halfway through though! no one takes an initiative and everyone just shoots ' munh k hawai fire' as they say....

SUMMARY OF THE PLOT:

Framework: A light funny side of our daily routine at EY with soft criticism on certain areas while protecting the overall image, and projecting a different yet positive side of EY for its clients.

Mr. A – Associate

Mr. X – Manager

Mr. B – Colleague initiating rumor

Welcome to EY: Camera shows EY office at 7:30 am, background voice welcomes the audience, explains the images and the alarm rings.

The start to the day: An associate (A) and his manager (X) wake up in the morning. They both get ready for the office in different manner with the associate in a hurry and unorganized way whereas the manager in a calm and relaxed way showcasing luxury. They both reach the office, boy after waiting for taxi in the scorching heat and manager going to the shadowy car parking and getting in his luxurious car. They both meet up in the office lift, with the manager coming up from basement and the associate from the ground floor from where a female colleague also gets on the lift with them (all are late for the office). Manager scolds the associate for coming late and blaming him for being the reason for all the bad recovery on clients and inefficiencies, after this the manager says a smiling hi to the female and some small talk (associate’s surprised and frustrated expressions). On reaching 19th floor manager sneaks in to his cabin from the stairway-door while the female colleague and the associate get in from the main entrance. (there is no clock in EY in the audit area, perhaps to protect managers when they come late in the morning and in the evening misguiding the associate to sit late). They both start their day. Associate sits in the audit area and tries different cables but none work. (the scene would be made funny by the body language and facial expressions of the associate). Manager simply puts in the laptop on the dock and everything is complete for him. (preferably a split screen showing both the characters at the same time) They both start their laptops and check their emails. Associate has lots of irrelevant emails, including Global Connection/expense missing summary etc while the manager has emails from his cousins and friends in other parts of the world.

Initiation of the firing rumor: (the whole point of showing this is to showcase the communication gap that exists) (continuance from the previous scene) - associate sitting and doing his work with the background showing a colleague (Mr. B) of associate lurking near manager cubicles looking for a file. (Camera reaches to B) who overhears manager-1 telling manager-2 ‘He will also be fired’. The colleague (Mr. B) perceives it in a different way with facial reactions and goes to the associate to tell him of another ‘list’ coming out. The camera returns to show the manager cubicle (near where Mr. B overheard the communication) and shows the whole side of the story with the manager-2 asking ‘so are they going to find a new CFO after firing the existing’. Camera returns to show the colleague telling the associate in a spicy way that another ‘list’ is coming out. On hearing, associate panics, calls up another buddy. Background voice tells ‘and so this colleague calls another one who calls another one and so the rumor spreads’. In the mean time, manager-2 comes out of manager-1’s cubicle looking serious and gives a deep glare to the associate unintentionally. The associate gets worried thinking he is the one getting fired and goes deep in thought when he is disturbed by his own manager who asks him to come to his cubicle for the review.

Review scene: To be completed by Saadat/Yameen. Fill in 5 minutes. Review of financial statements or whatever other things.

2010-10-27T20:23:00.003+03:00

I hope and pray its a spiral and not a closed ended circle....with spiral there is always an end sooner or later...

2010-10-09T03:43:00.000+03:00

an early start to the week after a refreshing weekend...

2010-10-03T00:11:00.001+03:00

Got a bit too much on my plate at the moment..

I have to complete Two and a Half Men, Family Guy, The Office, Lost, Thundercats and South Park. I have started and then left all of these in the middle for one reason or the other with a plan to resume later!!

I have 5/6 downloaded movies saved on my desktop asking for my attention!

I have started The Secret, Kite Runner and Message from Nam all of which require my attention. Not to mention the bulk of CFA books (have started economics and quants and as usual left them in the middle for some reason)

and I complain of having nothing to do! :/

2010-08-22T23:37:00.001+03:00

I still remember, though it has been a good 17-18 years. I can't recall the date or the day; I was too young to remember anything although I wish I did. I do however feel the fear and uncertainty which gripped me as I rode with Abbu-jee on the blue vespa that morning. The roads we travelled seemed alien and I did not have much sense to realise at that time that those roads will become friendlier when I’ll travel them daily for the next 10 years. I remember standing in the main ground by the junior section. A man with the microphone on stage would call the names of students one by one. My legs trembled as I waited for my turn with Abbu jee and soon the inevitable came as my name was called. Crying desperately, I grasped Abbu-jee's arm tightly, afraid to let go. Abbu jee and a couple of by standers somehow managed to convince me and I was escorted to my class along with 40 other children carrying the same anxiety. That was my first day at Crescent, the place which shaped me into what I am today.

Fast forward…

In July of 2003, I rode a Daewoo early in the morning. It was the first time I had travelled on a proper public transport and I was too shy to be seen as a first timer. Which is why when the driver skipped the bus-stop for Barkat Market without stopping, I didn’t utter a word of complaint. When he did stop the bus though, I was two kilometer farther from my original destination and had to walk all the way back. The weather thankfully was pleasant as it had rained a day before although the keecher and water on the road did cause some frustration. The initial memories of my first day at SKANS School of Accountancy are not pleasant, though the 3 year stay there was much smoother.

I can still live through each of these moments when I close my eyes. There is something special about the first days that encarve our memory walls permanently.

2010-08-21T17:30:00.000+03:00

Five Stages of Grief:
1- Denial
2- Anger
3- Bargaining
4- Depression
5- Acceptance

2010-08-17T17:46:00.000+03:00

The girl was average to say the best. There was nothing special about her, very ordinary and normally you will forget her the very next day. She wasn’t the girl he had in his dreams. But somehow, he was stupid enough to fall for her and eventually destroy and derail his own life and dreams.

Physically, she was barely 5 (5’1” if you are to believe her). Her hands and feet were chubby and due to her short height she too would appear chubby. She didn’t have those silky hair and had to iron them on a regular basis. Looks wise she would appear innocent at first but we all know that first looks are eventually deceiving. She also had leftovers of some skin disease in her child hood across her arms. She was average, not ugly. Perhaps he didn’t care about physical attributes to fall for her? His friends though were disappointed at his choice…

Physical traits are not necessarily indicative of one’s character, though in her case there was an exception. She would back out of promises, would rarely be there for you. She didn’t have a spine and would never take a stand for you. Supportive? perhaps... But when you asked her for a shoulder she would spat back, become fragile and start blaming and complaining of all the trouble in her life. She was a hypocrite, always complaining…

The thing with love is that you eventually know that two people will get used to and start liking each other’s weaknesses and average-ness. The secret though is that true companions complement and limit their partner’s weakness with their strength to stand strong together. Perhaps that’s why the guy fell for her? Deceived by her innocent looks eventually to fall for the weaknesses? The weaknesses which eventually led to his own downfall…

We all know that love is blind. In their case it indeed was.

The guy too wasn’t a prince. Weak physique, nerdy looks and high-density glasses coupled with shyness made for a confused personality.

He remembered Paulo Coelho famously saying, ‘Love can either take you to heaven or to hell, but it will always take you somewhere so be prepared to travel.’

He wasn’t prepared to travel which is why when the direction of the wind changed, his feet jammed and he fell face first and was quickly reduced to dust. Hell it was for him when after standing together for 5 long years she backed out and quit all of a sudden one day. The guy never knew what bit him, not even knowing the true reason. All his bright plans about life faltered. His studies, career and normal life took a nose dive. His life derailed off the track. He went into depression, in those dark black alleys of hopeless emptiness. He would spend the day looking for darkness and then spend the dark night hoping for a bright light from somewhere, searching for survival. He cried and cried and cried into the darkness. He bit himself, he hit himself, he cut himself, he would do all sort of crazy things to divert and transform his emotional agony into physical pain. Sleeping pills failed to soothe him. He started to have thoughts of suicide but the hopes, that his family and loved ones had on him, would always sap his energy whenever he appeared in his balcony with a wish to jump.

They say time is the best of all healers. For him the time was stagnant. The hands of the clock were stuck and had been in the same position since a year. The great healer had failed. Occasionally he would see day light. He was a very positive person and would convince himself to see the shore that blurred in the distant but sooner or later the shore would turn out to be another mirage and he would again get lost in the endless waves of darkness. The glass was half empty….Positivity turned to negativity, possible became impossible, hopes became requiems, and dreams became nightmares.

The girl though, moved on… perhaps the lack of commitment made things easier for her. Perhaps she was always willing to travel in the opposite direction. Secretly, he made a vow never to forgive her, either in this life or the one after. Forget he might but forgive? NEVER!

P.S: Need I mention it’s a fictional count? :)

2010-08-17T01:46:00.000+03:00

Going through the worst phase of my life. If only I had the balls or the freedom to commit suicide. May Allah help mr survive through these tough times...

2010-08-15T15:01:00.002+03:00

One day when I'm old (assuming I live that long i.e.) I'd love to look back at this blog and my facebook profile to see how I used to be in my younger days and probably feel nostalgic. I'd laugh lard on a few thoughts that is for sure!

I just hope for this sake facebook/blogger lives longer than I will...

PS: Got my Umra visa confirmed, Allhamdullilah, and today last year was when we set off for Antalya, Turkey!

Enron - the smartest guys in the room..

2010-07-28T16:53:00.009+03:00

"It had taken Enron 16 years to go from about (USD) 10 billion of assets to about (USD) 65 billion of assets but it only took them 24 days to bankrupt"

Nearly a decade has passed since the Enron scandal first took down the US economy and with it the global financial industry to ground zero. From the 7th largest US commercial enterprise, the energy giant Enron was quickly reduced to dust within a year in 2001 after it was cornered into disclosing a series of accounting gimmicks which it employed to cover its fraudlent business practice. Arthur Anderson, part of the Big-5 accounting firms at that time, paid the price for professional negligence in endorsing those and was forced to shut down. Big-5 was reduced to Big-4 which stands to date...

I have recently downloaded a documentry entitled 'Enron - the smartest guys in the room' and plan to watch it over the weekend. Back in my days as an ACCA student, Enron was what everyone would talk about. I am pretty sure only a few knew what actually transpired but to talk on the subject was the 'in' and 'cool' thing at that time. I, quite naively, was amongst the show-off types so when someone recommended the documentry I was quick to put it on top of my to-watch list..

Its definitly not the 'in-thing' anymore...students these days have greater examples amidst the so-called financial crisis. Lehman brothers, Bear Stearns, Merril Lynch, all can be put together for a wonderful case study in any exam... Being a student would certainly be much tougher now!

the winner stands alone..

2010-07-27T16:52:00.002+03:00

Reading 'The winner stands alone' by Paulo Coelho. Had borrowed it from Amir last year but till yesterday it only served as a showpiece in my cupboard. Have only finished a couple of chapters but it already feels pretty catchy.

Following in an excerpt that I liked;

Fashion. Whatever can people be thinking? Do they think fashion is something that changes according to the season of the year? Did they really come from all corners of the world to show off their dresses, their jewellery and their collection of shoes? They don’t understand. ‘Fashion’ is merely a way of saying: ‘I belong to your world. I’m wearing the same uniform as your army, so don’t shoot.’
Ever since groups of men and women first started living together in caves, fashion has been the only language everyone can understand, even complete strangers. ‘We dress in the same way. I belong to your tribe. Let’s gang up on the weaklings as a way of surviving.’

But some people believe that ‘fashion’ is everything. Every six months, they spend a fortune changing some tiny detail in order to keep up their membership of the very exclusive tribe of the rich. If they were to visit Silicon Valley, where the billionaires of the IT industry wear plastic watches and beat-up jeans, they would understand that the world has changed; everyone now seems to belong to the same social class; no one cares any more about the size of a diamond or the make of a tie or a leather briefcase. In fact, ties and leather briefcases don’t even exist in that part of the world; nearby, however, is Hollywood, a relatively more powerful machine – albeit in decline – which still manages to convince the innocent to believe in haute-couture dresses, emerald necklaces and stretch limos. And since this is what still appears in all the magazines, who would dare destroy a billion-dollar industry involving advertisements, the sale of useless objects, the invention of entirely unnecessary new trends, and the creation of identical face creams all bearing different labels?'

2010-02-17T17:19:00.002+03:00

I'm extremely sensitive to criticism. I've known it for quite sometime, just reaffirmed yesterday when a colleague fwded me the following email from my manager

'Can you......Also, let mubeen know that even after his review, errors were noted in the financials which is not acceptable. '

My head spun in anguish.

My colleague had forwarded me a set of financial statements of a client for a general final overall review before releasing to client. These set of financials were already reviewed by my manager and the go-ahead was given by him to finalise these. During my review, amongst other things, I noticed, amongst other, a couple of glaring mistakes which were overlooked by the manager in his review and I identified these to be corrected.

However, this email literally boiled my head, its fine for them to make glaring errors and get away with it but our errors (not that I'm shying away - I take responsibility for not detecting these mistakes) are identified to us in this harsh tone.

Alas! the perks of being at the higher level!

2010-02-14T16:56:00.001+03:00

*yawn* back to Agility. Not sure what it is about this place that makes (*yawn*) me so dizzy each time I come here and gives me a headache.

A couple (*yawn*) of months of mental torment awaits! :(

2010-02-06T23:18:00.003+03:00

So I'm back, not sure for how long this time around. Anyhow, latest? a LOT! went for Umrah to Saudia in September Allhamdullilah, went over to Dubai for a 12 hour trip to watch Pakistan's T20 against Newzealand in Dubai cricket stadium, spent Eid-ul-Adha in Pakistan, so have been travelling somewhat..

Back in Kuwait now, busy with work, have been sitting late and spending the weekends at office but thankfully a bit relieved now, although slightly but even thats a luxury at this time of the year. Finally did a client alone on my own, from the GTAC, to planning, field work, financials and wrapping up, directly reviewing the file to my manager, was a great learning experience, expecting good recovery!

Have recently watched The Time Traveller's Wife of Eric Bana. Lovely movie, impractical but beautiful nonetheless! Made me half-cry at one point infact.

umm, and got my iPhone 3 JEE ES! too bad blogger is not compatible with it. Hate that its very inflexible, for instance cannot copy anything on it without iTunes, regardless, the best phone I've ever had, and now I totally understand all the hype that surrounds it..

oh and I just discovered my love for the beach, or to properly rephrase it, I have fallen in love with the life at the beach on a Friday or a Saturday evening. Love the lively environment and the family life, seeing people happy and enjoying. Love the kids playing around, cycling, swinging, fighting, playing football. Love the couples walking around together. Love to see people fishing. Love the peace and calmness that surrounds everything. Love the whole package on offer!

Beach side is THE place to go to soothe your brain out after a long tiring week!

2010-01-31T22:43:00.000+03:00

Almost 5 months since the last post! hoping to restart blogging shoon!

2009-09-04T01:22:00.002+03:00

Life these days is a constant struggle to catch up with my sleep. Each day is an exact replica of the day before, same faces, same routine. I feel like a robot preprogrammed to do certain things. Wake up in the morning, my hand goes to the exact same place like a robot to turn off the alarm each morning, exact same place to pick up my brush, I'll sit at the exact same place every day and comb my hair, exact same words with the taxi driver, exact same routine in the office and in between all this, I have to keep up with my sleep! do anything to take 7-8 hrs for sleep even then my head keeps buzzing through the day!

I'm not complaining, I'm perfectly satisfied Allhamdullilah. I just need some strength to cop up with all this..

'Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny?'

2009-08-27T14:09:00.000+03:00

Allah SWT has blessed me with another life. When I look back at it I realise how lucky I am and how blessed I am Allhamdullilah. I was in Turkey for a week for a holidays, however, Allah had decided the holidays differently for me and thus I spent 4 days at the time in hospital, 3 days in ICU with 1 day in coma, unconcious.

I almost drowned. I was on a boat trip in Alanya, where they show around the pirate caves and hills around the beautiful southern coast of Turkey. I vaguely remember what happened. The enviornment and the atmosphere on board the boat was nice but I remember feeling pathetic once. My heart sort of felt low for one instance and I honestly wondered to myself that it would be the worst place to die ever if I die here. They stopped the boat at one point for people to swim in the sea, I didnt want to go at first but when Hussam took the initiative, I joined him in the water. Things went well, I swam, did a back stroke, and felt good before coming back on to the boat to continue the trip.

Later, while they showed around the coast, we moved around the boat, on the roof, in the front, took photographs, made fun of people around us, saw the coast. The last possible memory I have is of me on the roof of the boat with the photographer taking our photos. I dont exactly remember what happened next but I do remember the sight of a beach and a voice which said that we have to swim across the sea and will have our lunch on the beach. The next time my brain was active I felt dizzy and as if my body weighed a tonne and I could not move. It took quite a while for the blurr in my eye to become clear and slowly I came to terms with the environment around me. I was in some hospital, partially naked with a drip and wires running around my body. I had a tube in my nose for breathing and I dont know why but I didnt at all feel surprised, no shocks no nothing. I had something in the back of my head and I somehow knew I drowned without having any visible memories. I dont remember again what happened next but I remember someone walking by, probably a doctor, walking by and asking if I knew how to swim and that I almost drowned myself. Things became clear, situation became clear. I called out for my friends but someone said that they will not be coming for another hour or two.

Time passed, I kept looking around, had been very dizzy and could not lift my head or do anything at all. I had a wound in my leg which I suspect I got while swimming due to which i got cramp in my leg and gave up in the middle. Time continued to pass and I asked again for my friends when I'm not sure but I think someone said they are not here or something. I remember feeling a chill across my spine as I wondered if my friends even knew I was alive and where I was. I asked for my friends and the nurse brought me a fone and I asked her to dial Malhi bhai's number. His mobile was off so I called Salman in Kuwait and asked him to trace someone and tell them that I was in hospital, I asked the nurse of the name of the hospital which she told me and said I was in ICU, only then I felt somewhat shocked knowing I was in ICU, I dont remember what I told salman but anyhow the message was conveyed, he got worried but I couldn't talk so I cut the phone.

Some time later Malhi bhai appeared in blue robe and a mask on his face and I could not recognize him at first but he told me that I had almost drowned and Hussam saved me, and that doctors had said that my brain was not working at first. He also told me that they are continuing their tour and will be going to Istanbul in the night at which I felt good that the tour did not get majorly disrupted because of me. One by one everyone came, Mohsin, Hussam, Razzaq and Sunil and by talking to them I realized how lucky I was. I asked for a few things from Sunil, including clothe, juice and my extra pair of glasses and then they went away. They told me that they had gone back to Antalya, packed the stuff and checked out from the pansion and that the boat owner Sulaiman and our guide Effa had been very helpful. They told me that the doctor had said that I'll take a couple of days in the hospital and thats why they are moving to Istanbul.

Anyhow, they left and I was alone for a couple of days. Later a lady appeard who told me she was from Norway and was on the boat with us and she was leaving Alanya but had to see me once before leaving. She told how the doctor had said to her that it was a miracle and all and was so happy and relieved to see me. (my friends later told that she was one of the 2/3 nurse/doctors on board and she had given me first aid on the spot which saved my life).

The next two days I kept dozing to sleep and waking up on my back. Doing nothing, I couldn't walk, they had to assist me even in sitting. They had to assist me even in going to washroom. I was peeing through a pipe. I'm writing all this so if sometimes in the future I go astray again I can recall my miserableness and helplessness by reading this and know how Allah SWT has blessed me so I dont get arrogant again. Anyhow, the next two days I stayed in ICU. While in ICU I remember the nurses, there would be three different shifts of nurses. Most nurses would come in the day shift about 4-5 of the same height wearing same clothes and walking efficiently around the ward talking and sharing jokes in Turkish. From time to time I'd hear a groan of a patient besides me but I did not have the energy to lift myself and see him. I remember a guy called Mustafa would come in the evening shift with 2 other nurses. In the morning there would be 5-6 nurses, one head nurse probably who had a chinese look and would dress smartly and put ample make up on her face and will have a blue ribbon sort of around her. The others were decent, casual and simple. Walking efficiently across the ward and joking around. In the night shift a really nice guy would come who would ask me to try walking and in the mean while they would change my bed.

In the ICU, the only patient visible to me was a young boy probably around 4-5 years old with blonde hair. They would call him Alexander and talk to him in English. The poor kid would cry sometime but was overall very brave and composed. A blonde lady and a guy would come occassionally to visit him in the hospital and they seemed to be his parents. They too were very composed. He was driving most attention from nurses in the ward who would race around shouting Alexander Alexander all day long.

I had a drip attached to me which was changed regularly by the nurses. It was at first on my left wrist and moved later to my right elbow and then to my left elbow. Nurses would come and put Inject seperately different antibiotics directly in me. I had a blood pressure reader on my left arm which was later moved to my right arm. It would pump estimted every 30 minutes and take readings. I had 4 electrodes attached to my chest with wires. During first day I had pipe in my nose for breathing which was later removed. I also had some clip like device with a laser put on my finge. Periodically nurses would take my blood sample. I have a memory of one such time where a nurse tried taking blood from 3/4 different places in my right and when the blood wouldnt come out and she kept piercing the injection into me I asked what was wrong. I remember her voice just saying 'problem' as she couldnt understand or speak english properly. I have many such small and cute memories from the hospital which I want to jot down. They would bring me lunch, dinner and breakfast which mostly included chicken and a small quantity of rice, salad and fruit. Fruit included grapes, peach and watermelon. I couldn't eat much and the turkish style of cooking didnt suit my taste buds either so spent most the time on fruits. I remember getting very thirsty at times and asking for water and on drinking water I would feel like puking as if it felt I am already full of water and the taste water brought to my neck made me get some blurred feeling of water in my nostrils at the time of drowning though I dont recall that. I would ask the nurse to adjust my bed, lift it up or straighten and I remember having enough energy to push the button myself at times and then I would feeel great on this little triumph and achievement of raising my hand to push a button on my right.

Anyhow, sometime on Friday in the morning I got tired and asked the doctor when will they move me, they said they'd move me to a normal ward later in the day. I complained of head ache and breathing problems and pain in chest and neck to which she said the head ache was probably due to being in the same position for so long, and neck ache was because she had put some tube in my throat earlier for some reason. Later in the day, I guess around 12 at noon i sensed some activity. A patient was moved along with the bed from the ICU and taken out. Moments later little Alexander was also taken away from ICU on a wheelchair. I saw another nurse in pink come with another wheelchair and the doctor told me its time to move. The nurse took of my pamper (thats all I'd be wearing in the ICU) in front of everyone at which I closed my eyes and put on a green gown. I asked her if I could wear my shorts but she didnt allow me.

She took me to the ground floor where I first met some crowd for 2 days. There, in a room an X-Ray of my chest was taken and the person taking out X-Ray asked me if I am a muslim to which I said Allhamdullilah. He asked if I'm from Iran and I said no Pakistan to which he said oh, welcome and shook my hands in a very friendly tone. Anyhow, I got my X-Ray and the nurse took me to the fifth floor in the lift where there was a cafetaria and put me in the open for a while where I smelled and felt fresh air and the mountains of alanya facing me. The guy in the cafetaria and the nurse talked for a while and then the guy had a casual talk with me. Nurse asked me if I wanted to move to my room, to which I said okay and she took me again to the lift in the first floor. In the lift, she winked at me for some reason. Anyhow, I was taken to a room with two beds with a view of a hotel across the street. The room had a TV, attached washroom and a cupboard. I felt like a king in the room. The nurse left me and went away. Later some other nurse, probably incharge of the floor, came and gave me food and took my bp readings, temprature etc.

...to be continued!

2009-07-20T19:37:00.001+03:00

Have been hooked to Friends Series lately, copied all 10 seasons from Hussam last week and now totally addicted, infact thats all I do in my free time. Have already finished Season-1 and have way through season two!!

Nothing much happening apart from this..oh and I got the Turkish Visa and the ticket, will be off in August, InshAllah! :D

2009-07-14T21:14:00.002+03:00

Planning a trip to Antalya, Turkey....yes yes! :)

2009-07-11T11:54:00.002+03:00

sigh...had to drop reading angels and demons half way through the book...Yameen bhai ntentionally spoiled the fun by telling me the whole story and the ending forcefully....oh well, I'd better directly watch the movie now...

oh and on that note, saw 'Saving Private Ryan' finally. Amazingly absorbing movie..

Next stop...'forest gump' and 'a beautiful mind'. Lets hope no one spoils the fun this time.. :/

2009-07-07T20:01:00.004+03:00

A funny thing happened today. Not funny though when I look back at it - its definitly something to learn from and improve on, but funny the way it happened...

I reached office at my normal time - 8:40/45 (40 minutes late from the standard 8 - which I admit is wrong). My manager had earlier sent a couple of emails reminding everyone to follow the timings and the importance of being professional. However, I was coming late to office since the past few days on a regular basis and since no one seemed to notice I paid no particular heed. Today however, he called me and Hussam over to his cabin. After a minute of casual talk asking Hussam of his holdays and me about how things are going he quickly retorted to a harsh tone and reminded us of the email and that how he has observed 'us' being late on a regular basis. He then said that as a penalty today will be deducted from our annual leave balance and we both can go home for the day. We objected and tried to negotiate but he was in no mood of this and told us that he has said what he wanted and we can go home after applying for a leave for today.

We came out and mutually decided that its better to apply a leave than face further wrath, particularly in the prevailing environment. We both applied leaves and Hussam immediately left for home. I however had work to do and had to stay the whole day, working without pay - when officially I was on leave...

It was particularly funny because poor Hussam had been on leave in the last week, when the email had been sent, and had only joined the office yesterday when he reached well in time (8:00) but poor guy had to suffer because of waiting for me. We had decided last nite to go to office together in the morning and he called me in the morning asking if I was ready else he'd leave with Saqib in time and I made him wait for 10 odd minutes.

And the way it all happened, the jokes and the calls......vintage!

Moth Smoke

2009-07-03T15:51:00.003+03:00

Finished the much hyped 'Moth Smoke' last night, had been on my table for the past couple of weeks but couldn't read it regularly due to lack of time and mood. Anyhow, its a decent novel potraying settings of late 1990s, following the life of a banker Darasihkoh and his wayward life and a journey to self destruction.

The title 'Moth Smoke' potrays how a moth falls in love with the burning candle and keeps revolving around it, and ends up getting burned by the flame. Pretty much the theme the whole novel follows so the choice of title is wicked.

Love the following excerpt from the novel which is basically the crux of the whole novel.

'When I get home I find Manucci staring at a candle on the mantelpiece for no apparent reason.
I walk over to him, my shadow dancing on different wall from his.
"What is it?" I ask him.
"A moth in love, saab," Manucci says.
Sometimes I don't understand what he's talking about. But I do see a moth circling above our heads.
"Bring me the fly swatter," I tell him.
"No, saab."
I hit him across the top of his head, not too hard and with an open hand, but forcefully enough to let him know that I won't put up with any impertinence. "What do you mean, No, saab?"
"Please, saab," he says, cringing. "Watch"
The moth circles lower, bouncing like a drunk pilot in trubulence. I could clap him out of existence but I don't, because I'm getting a little curious myself.
The moth starts to make diving passes at the candle.
"He's an aggressive fellow, this moth," I say to Manucci.
"Love, saab," he replies.
"I never knew you were such a romantic."
He blushes. "The poet say some moths will do anything out of love for a flame."
"How do you know what the poets say?"
"I used to sneak into Pak Tea House to listen."
The moth stops swooping, enters a holding pattern about two feet above the candle, and then lands on the wall in front of us.
It's gray with a black dot on its back that looks like an eye.
"That's an ugly moth," I say.
I wait for Manucci's response, but he says nothing.
The moth doesn't move.
"He's afraid," Manucci says.
"He should be. Love's a dangerous thing." I look carefully. Dark sreaks run down the moth's folded wings. "Maybe he's burnt himself."
The moth takes off again, and we both step back, because he's circling at eye level now and seems to have lost rudder control, smacking into the wall on each round. He circles lower and lower, spinning around the candle in tighter revolutions, like a soap and over an open drain. A few times he seems to touch the flame, but dances off unhurt.
Then he ignites like a ball of hair, curling into an oily puff of fumes with a hiss. The candle flame flickers and dims for a moment, then burns as bright as before.
Moth smoke lingers.
I lift the candle and look around the mantelpiece for the moth's body, but I can't find it.
For a moment I think I smell burning flesh, and even though I tell myself it must be my imagination, I put the candle down feeling more than a little disgusted.'

Next stop - Angels & Demons....

2009-07-02T18:51:00.002+03:00

Yeehaaa ... the weekend's here!! The week wasn't too bad either though, Allhamdullilah!! :)

Lyrics - Strong Enough by Cher

2009-06-30T20:48:00.004+03:00

Taken from azlyrics.com...

"Strong Enough"

I don't need your sympathy
There's nothing you can say or do for me
And I don't want a miracle
You'll never change for no one

I hear your reasons why
Where did you sleep last night?
And was she worth it, was she worth it?

'Cos I'm strong enough
To live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I'm strong enough
To know you gotta go

There's no more to say
So save your breath
And then walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I'm strong enough to know you gotta go

So you feel misunderstood
Baby, have I got news for you
On being used, I could write a book
You don't wanna hear about it

I've been losing sleep
You've been going cheap
She ain't worth half of me it's true
I'm telling you

Now I'm strong enough to live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I'm strong enough
To know you gotta go

Come hell or waters high
You'll never see me cry
This is our last goodbye, it's true

I'm telling you
That I'm strong enough to live without you
Stron enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I'm strong enough
To know you gotta go

There's no more to say
So save your breath
And you walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I'm strong enough to know you gotta go

Blurt of the day - 28th June of 2009

2009-06-29T18:36:00.002+03:00

Today was slightly different. I was booked for a training course which started today and will continue throughout the week. Went fine though a bit off at times. I'm just not suited to long lectures anymore, specially when they last 8 hours straight and are on things you're already familiar with. The session itself was pretty interactive, with group assignments, which is the only thing which kept me awake throughout the morning session, but a case study towards the later part of the second half on walkthroughs and test of controls was pretty off. The accent and tone of the lecturers did nothing to help the matters either though thankfully I stayed awake (more or less) throughout.

And guess where did I go after the office? .... thaaaaats rite....Ayeesshh Skating!!! Entered the rink after a gap of good 5-6 months with Razzak and thus found it incredibly difficult to stay on my toes though towards the end I made 8 continious rounds of the rink without falling or any support, on my own albeit at a slow speed but a decent achievement nonetheless. It was a jungle inside the rink. Boys and girls so young, they would barely reach my knees and yet they were speeding and cutting like pros.

Anyhow, a few charachters I encountered during my hour and a half long stay there included,

- The Clap Brigade: These were 4-5 young boys in their late teens led by a boy with dark complexions in white pants (black in white - a tribute to MJ perhaps?) who, on encountering any female, would clap in a rythmic tone which would perfectly blended with the background music on air in the rink. In absence of any creative nick, I've simply decided to call them the clap brigade.

- Miss Untied Shoelaces: A young girl, with untied shoelaces, who herself was a rookie (like me) would always be around me since rookies generally move at a same pace. Her untied laces kept stealing my attention and when she finally fell in front of me, I gently asked her to tie her laces to avoid such a scene again. She said thanks, looked at my shoes, smiled and moved out. Puzzled, I glanced down only to find my own laces untied! Talk about irony...

- The one who kept falling: There was this little girl in green, who kept falling and falling and falling whenever she skated past me. It was a quite funny sight actually. And the best was after the session when me and Razzak were having our meals in McDonalds next to the rink when she passed by and guess what? she fell again and this time I wasn't anywhere near the rink...

There were a few others too, a young girl, hardly 2 years old who was skating with her dad, a fat girl waiting for someone to hit on her and others. Was fun and a good break from the daily routine.

And finally, a night after watching 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', I now wish I'd rather have never seen the movie. Its a magnificent movie on every count, dont take me wrong just yet, but I realise that I'm perhaps not ready yet to steer into such forbidden zones. Brings back bitter memories of my own demise. So Hassam and others please take note and be careful with your recommendations in the future!

Moment of the day:
Kushi spreading rumours in the lecture that Faizan was diagnosed Swine Flu on his arrival from Pakistan. (A news which came out to be false later).

Fall of the day:
When a big guy fell over a small kid in the rink during ice skating. The poor kid was later escored by a guide out of the rink with a bleeding nose.

Quote of the day:
'Whenever we suspect frood (fraud) to be invol-ved we must make shooor (sure) that we do a shorough (thorough) investigation.....' - Sameh (our manager) - lecturer in today's training (no disrespect intended).

And I begin again..

2009-06-28T00:23:00.004+03:00

Had been thinking for quite a time to restart the blog.

I remember the last time I ever made a post to this blog was some 3 and a half years ago when Pakistan had a terrible earthquake and I posted my experience of the whole tragedy. 3.5 years on, life has moved on pretty fast. I now sit in Kuwait as a write these lines.

I have just finished watching a wonderful movie, 'the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind' starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet. Following is a brief summary of the plot of this movie picked from imdb.com,

'Joel is stunned to discover that his girlfriend Clementine has had her memories of their tumultuous relationship erased. Out of desperation, he contracts the inventor of the process, Dr. Howard Mierzwaik, to have Clementine removed from his own memory. But as Joel's memories progressively disappear, he begins to rediscover their earlier passion. From deep within the recesses of his brain, Joel attempts to escape the procedure. As Dr. Mierzwiak and his crew chase him through the maze of his memories, it's clear that Joel just can't get her out of his head.'

How I hope someone could one day develop such a technique to erase one's memory. I'd be its first user and will even devote myself for beta testing :)

The movie is based on the following quote from Alexander Pope,

"How how happy is the blamless vestels lot;
The world forgetting by the world forgot;
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,
each prayer accepted, each wish resigned"

A very very absorbing movie, something I can relate to my self. Definitly recommended!

Hopefully I'll be more regular with my postings from now. :)